Beaches of Cheyenne
by Labrynth
Summary: Jill didn't save him...


Disclaimer: Not my characters, tho I seem to be putting them through Hell lately.

**Beaches of Cheyenne**

Waves lapped at her toes, splashing up onto her jeans, soaking the denim quickly. Louie cavorted in the waves, splashing around like he was a puppy. It made her smile. He was getting older and didn't do this often any more. Her head knew he wouldn't be around much longer, age catching up with him long before her heart was ready. And when that happened she knew she was done.

Losing Chris ten years ago had nearly killed her. Watching Wesker rip his heart out and cast the body aside like trash while she stayed frozen in that spot on the floor. Her brain had been unable to process what she was seeing, knowing the end was coming. As their enemy began to move she launched forward but it was too late. Instead of tackling their former Captain, she was cradling Chris' head in her lap, begging him not to go. Already regretting the things they'd left unsaid.

She hadn't even seen where Wesker had gone, expecting her own death blow any second. Welcoming it. But he had left her there. It wasn't until the second team arrived, prying her away from his body, that she moved again.

Tires crunched along the crushed shell driveway and Jill remained where she was. At this point, there was only one person who bothered coming up here to see her. Everyone else had written her off. She didn't blame them and truth was, she was relieved she didn't have to try to pretend. To make nice and smile when she didn't feel like it to the people who used to be her friends. No, it was better if they just stayed away.

"It's cold out here," the voice behind her said and she smiled slightly, casting a glance over her shoulder.

"He doesn't seem to mind," was her reply as she turned her attention back to the dog. In truth she didn't notice the cold. She was always cold. It was a part of her now. Even her soul was frigid, a core of ice at its center.

The other woman was silent, moving up next to Jill, blue eyes watching the black dog as he chased the incoming swells. "He's moving pretty good."

A faint smile touched the corners of Jill mouth. "Yeah, the cooler weather helps."

"How was his vet visit?"

"Holding his own. Which is all I can ask."

They were both silent until the dog in question came bounding over to his master and dropped his butt to the sand, tongue lolling out happily. "Ready to go in?" Louie jumped up and raced for the door, a slight gimp in his step.

The gait caused a jab of pain in her heart. When she found the dog it was like Chris had chosen him for her. Just a scrap of black mutt that showed up at her door. Jill hadn't known where he'd come from but he acted as if he'd been there the whole time.

And now his time was almost up.

Silently she dropped the sweater she'd had wrapped around her shoulders to the back of a chair and moved to the coffee pot she kept for days like this. She never touched the stuff herself.

"You look well," the woman told her.

Setting the milk and sugar on the table Jill gave a small nod. At no point in time had she ever tried to harm herself, ever starved herself or did anything that would bring her state of mind into question. She just refused to engage them, refused to continue with the life she had led. Instead she had moved here, to the cabin they had fixed up with their own hands, and withdrew from the world.

"He wouldn't want you to do this Jill," Claire told her. It was an old conversation.

"He's gone, he doesn't get a say."

With a sigh, Claire dropped into a chair, scratching behind Louie's ear when he pressed against her. "You know he wouldn't want you wasting away."

"I'm not. I eat quite well." The reply was even, calm.

"You know what I mean."

Long fingers wrapped around a chipped and stained mug. STARS logo almost gone, fading with multiple washings and the handle had been glued on more than once. The tea inside was steaming, warmth seeping into her fingers from it. This was why she still took care of herself. As long as she did, they couldn't do anything. She was living, just not the way everyone wanted her to.

Sipping the hot liquid Jill looked at the other woman, not saying anything. It was a discussion they'd had many times and nothing ever changed. Today she just didn't feel like rehashing it.

"How's Sherry?" she asked instead.

The red head smiled. "Well. She graduated from the academy. Leon looked like a proud father."

"She's lucky to have you both."

"I don't know how I feel about her becoming an agent," she admitted, "but Leon swears he'll watch out for her."

If she weren't so numb she would feel guilty for wishing the other woman would leave. She knew Chris' sister was doing what she felt he would want, but it was unnecessary. Jill had managed just fine in the last decade. Soon her time would be over as well.

"That's good. You guys have kept in touch over the years. If he says he'll look out for her, he will."

They sat in silence for a while, Claire toying with the cup of coffee she was barely touching. There was obviously something on her mind, but like her brother, she would get to it in her own time not when pressed.

"What are you going to do?"

Truth was she planned on walking out into the waves and letting them swallow her if things moved too slow, but she wasn't about to tell that to the other woman. It would only upset her, maybe force her hand into action. In the grand scheme of things there was nothing to be done. She didn't want to be here anymore. Hadn't for the last ten years. Her life had ended when Chris died but her body had lived on.

Sometimes she had dreams she saved him. Threw herself out a window with Wesker to protect him. In those dreams things were so different. She was different. Much of what happened in them was blurry, but she knew she was somehow held captive. The details had never come to her and that was all right. It was a dream and it didn't matter because it wasn't real. If Chris were alive, she could survive anything. But he wasn't. And she was tired.

"Not planning on doing anything," she answered finally. As much as she had always hated lying before, she knew it was easier on the people she still spoke with. "Life goes on without you, remember?"

A mostly full cup sat on the table as Claire stood. Maybe she didn't want to hear the older woman lie, or maybe she just didn't want to know if it were the truth or not.

"Will you be here next week?" The question was hesitant. Unsure.

Tea now at a good temperature, she took a drink, eyes cast away from the remaining link to her soul mate. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Claire opened her mouth to speak, then shook her head. Bending down she scratched the top of Louie's head. "Watch out for her ok big guy?" she told him quietly. "I'll let myself out," she said unable to look the other woman in the eye.

Impassively Jill watched her go, hands staying locked around the warm ceramic. Sensing his master's mood the dog rose slowly from the floor, taking a minute to get his back legs under him. He moved to her, dropping his heavy head in her lap. She smiled, taking some comfort from the animal. If it weren't for him she would have disappeared years ago. "Don't worry Buddy," she told him, "I'm not going anywhere. We're in this together."

She rose and called to him. Just moving around these days exhausted her. The quilt she pulled over herself as they both settled onto the bed was as worn as the cup she used for her tea. Chris' grandmother had made it for him when he was a kid and it was her favorite. With it, she could pretend he was there, arms around her. As the dog claimed his place on the other pillow the phone rang. Jill hadn't wanted one but Claire insisted. _Just in case._ In case of what she'd never been entirely sure, but it kept her from showing up more often than once a week.

The machine kicked on, Valentine's attempt to stall anyone from calling too often, and she recognized the doctor's voice as he spoke to it.

"Ms. Valentine, I heavily encourage you to come in and speak to us about treatment options. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to deal with this. Without treatment there is no good prognosis."

She sensed he was about to say something more as he paused, machine still recording. After almost a full minute he sighed softly and hung up. They'd been trying to talk her into it for a few months now and she had no interest. Louie had run out of options and she just didn't give a damn about hers.

Closing her eyes she pulled the quilt tightly around her. Truthfully she hoped they would both go quietly in their sleep with no fanfare or drama. Then they could both walk the beaches of eternity together. And Chris would be there, waiting on them. Of that she had no doubt.

With a sigh, she let go, sleep falling over her like a heavy blanket. As she drifted off she felt him. Her eyes fluttered open, catching sight of him at the foot of the bed. "I'll be there soon," she whispered, then she was lost to the land of dreams. Roaming the beaches of her mind until she could be where she wanted to be.

* * *

Author's Note: It's been a very long time since I wrote something that made me cry while writing it, but this did it. Combined with the Journal entries I've been writing and I feel like poor Jill has been put through the wringer lately! LOL I need to write something fluffy... I just don't know what yet. This has been rolling around in my head for a week or so now. I struggled with a title, but in the end, this was heavily influenced by the Garth Brooks' song of the same name. So I kept it.


End file.
